You know those super low-key people who get married at city hall and say that they’d rather have a marriage than a wedding? I…am not one of those people. I want a wedding, a marriage, and a streaming queue filled with juicy bridal reality shows at all times.
Wedding reality shows are the most scandalous genre of television, and you cannot convince me otherwise. They take the most emotionally-chaotic day of someone’s life, and then supercharge it with a camera crew. (And maybe even a competition, if we’re lucky). But not all wedding shows are created equal, and it’s important to know what you’re getting into. That’s why I’ve ranked them all from worst to best.
Remember Bridalplasty? It only ran for one season in 2010, but it was packed with more drama than most reality shows that run for years. Brides literally competed for plastic surgery procedures, and the grand prize was a fantasy wedding. Also, the surgeon is Dr. Dubrow from Botched. I know. There’s a lot going on here.
Say what you want about Bridezillas, but this show has staying power. It’s currently in its 12th season. If you haven’t seen it yet, the premise is pretty self explanatory. It’s just a bunch of bridezillas being followed around with a camera. What more could you want?
8. ‘Wedding Cake Championship’
Definitely the least salacious option on this list, Wedding Cake Championship is mostly just a friendly little baking competition. And yes, that is Johnny Weir.
7. ’90 Day Fiancé’
Everyone’s obsessed with this show about couples who apply for a K-1 visa and have to decide whether they’ll get married in 90 days. I get it, it’s good! But, before you @ me for giving 90 Day Fiancé a lame ranking, please remember that engagements just do not have the same entertainment value as weddings.
6. ‘Married at First Sight’
If you think 90 Day Fiancé is intense, wait until you watch Married at First Sight. These couples don’t get a three month trial period. They basically just suit up and get hitched right away.
5. ‘My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding’
If anyone tries to tell you that you’re being too extra while planning your wedding, simply tell them to binge a few episodes of My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding. There’s absolutely no way you’re outdoing any of these brides. This would actually be higher up on the list if it wasn’t a slightly less-interesting version of the original. Which brings us to…
4. ‘My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding’
…The ORIGINAL My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. Reality television is just so much crazier in the UK, so it’s no surprise that the American version wasn’t as epic. These spray tans put the cast of Jersey Shore to shame.
3. ‘Cheapest Weddings’
Looking for something to calm your wedding budget anxieties? This is not that show. Cheapest Weddings is much less look what you can do with a small budget! and much more oh no, look at this mess. It’s extremely entertaining, but I would recommend only watching one or two episodes at a time for the sake of your blood pressure.
2. ‘Say Yes to the Dress’
Say Yes to the Dress is iconic. Always has been, always will be. This show can make even the most cold-hearted people cry. Also, Randy Fenoli is a pop culture legend and Kleinfeld should be a national monument! Yeah, I said it!
1. ‘Four Weddings’
Four Weddings is the best bridal reality show of all time because its cattiness is unparalleled. Most people are hesitant to invite their judgmental college roomie to their weddings, and these women are out here having TOTAL STRANGERS sit in to keep score! Imagine having a table of three strangers at your wedding, talking shit about your cocktail hour appetizers? It’s unreal.